Category Archives: insight

An Expansive Time

Dear Sweet Traveling Whole Friend,

This is an expansive time! We have been in the peak of light in the northern hemisphere for weeks. We are shifting out of the brightest time of the year. It is an activating, visioning, exposing, desiring, revealing, and hopefully dancing time.

I had an incredible healing experience this past weekend.

My mother and I were talking on Friday and she shared a couple of things with me that have changed me forever. Have you ever had the experience of someone telling you something and you didn’t even realize how important it was to hear that or know that until it was shared?

Well that is exactly what happened. After reading my mini ebook my mother, who has always been generous with expressing her thoughts and appreciation with me, had a few insights to share. She and I, really my whole family, finds it very satisfying to communicate. So it was no surprise to me when she told me she wanted to share a few things. I took a deep breath and got comfortable so I could really listen.

First, she acknowledged the fear I had growing up and into my adulthood about getting sick. Growing up around chronic illness can make a person, especially a child, feel confused and nervous, not understanding if, “I was next.” She said, although it made so much sense, I had never shared with her that I had carried this fear for all of my conscious life, and most likely much before. Even in my consciousness, I didn’t understand it. No one in the house or family or friends understood. How does someone come home from work sick one day and then never go back? There is no comprehension that happens around that; an acceptance perhaps, insights, lessons, gifts, many other things . . . but comprehension . . . that may or may not ever arrive.

She named this experience for me, how she understood and felt for me as a little person carrying all this belly ache.

I cried and received her deep and loving ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. She acknowledged this experience. She empathized, she noted, she reflected, she cared. She named what had been a vague swirl of anxiety.

sophia_ada_mom_sunglasses Secondly, she had a memory of dropping my sister and I off at the subway — I was probably in 6th grade, my sister in the 9th grade — to go to school in South Philly. The next memory my mom had was me calling her from school explaining that she had to go back to the Frenrock station and get my sister because she had fallen asleep on the way to school, and I put her on a train back home saying, “she’s too sick to go to school today.”

My mother told me this past weekend that I took such good care of my sister Ada, and her, and the whole family, and that she didn’t think she ever thanked me for that. I’ll have you know my mother is very good at sharing appreciation, I have received a lot of thanks in my life for many things, but this . . . this . . . this . . . was a way of life for my existence . . . and she was thanking me for that. Thanking me for my life.

She said, “Thank you. Thank you for taking such good care of us, doing all that work.”

fancy_sophia_ada I sat there with tears streaming down my face. It never occurred to me that this was something I would ever hear. I was healing, moment by moment, by the depth of my need for this gratitude. What kept going through my head was, “I would do it all again. I would do it all again.” What I said out loud to her was, “We all did what we could, when we could. We all gave everything we had. Not one of us held back.” My father, brother, sister, mother, me, each of us — what we had to give, we gave. I know we gave from our depths to tend each other and ourselves as best we could. “Considering all the circumstance, I think we all turned out okay,” she said. I laughed and whole heartedly agreed.

This alone is a remarkable story, and I want to share more with you. What followed in the next 24 hours was a deep unfolding of myself in response to this act of love from my mother.

I woke the next day, spent, deeply sad. Heavy and alright. I took myself to the Red Room. I sat in front of my altar, felt little, and didn’t really cry. My wife, Kim, came through. She sat in front of me — “You look so sad.” I said, “I just need some space to be uncomfortable. It will pass. I just need to be here and feel.” She mentioned how gracefully I sit with deep un-comfort and left me to my BEING.

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I sat. I journaled. I stretched. I sang. Little moved. Little shifted. I decided to do some pelvic bowl focused work, which tends to get, “right to the root of it.” As soon as I started I was filled with waves, cries, real bellows of grief and fear.

Quickly I was sobbing, weeping, feeling deep wells of hurt.

I again connected to the acknowledgement and gratitude for the experience of my childhood, youth, young adult and adulthood . . . I would soften and feel deep love, and then waves of hurt and pangs of fear would rise again and move through me.

I found myself holding my belly, the bellyache my mother had referred to . . .

I held my head, oh my headaches, I had chronic daily headaches starting at 11 years old . . .

Then I placed my hands on my heart. Heartache . . .

Each place on my body, blessed with real acknowledgement of fear, grief, belly aches, heart aches, head aches, womb aches.

Blessed.
Seen.
Known.
Cared about . . .
all that me . . .
all that life force . . .
all that effort . . .

Grateful. I allowed gratitude, a powerful frequency, a vibration, an experience to fill and heal me. And heal me it did.

I want to take a moment here and honor my sisters miraculous journey. She is our phoenix and after 14 years of illness galvanizing her teen-hood and much of her twenties, I am filled with gratitude for her profound healing, her growth, and her health.

Now, did I NEED my mother to say these things . . . no. Healing doesn’t have a singular pathway — not that I have seen — it is beyond rules. But I needed acknowledgment and gratitude. That I needed.

It is one of the greatest kindnesses of the universe that I get to have those needs met and receive those blessings from my mom in the flesh. I have learned through all of our shared heartache that we have so much profound wealth. And so here I sit, truly filled with Gratitude.

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Thank you Mom. Thank you Ada.
Thank You Dad. Thank you Aaron.
Thank You life. Thank you Love.

I am, this lifetime and forward — which is also backward : ) — I am who I am because of you.

Thank you for all your care and tending of me. I acknowledge your heart aches, your belly aches, your headaches from watching me wander and hurt, from your own life and struggles, and for us trying our best and having it still really suck sometimes.

I love you.

To you, precious reader. I acknowledge your fear and grief deep below the conscious level from things you couldn’t comprehend.

Thank you for your life and all the work you have spent to bring love and care into the lives of those you love and to yourself. Thank you.

All Is Well — FREE eBook by Sophia Hoffer-Perkins

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If you want to read the eBook, enter your information in this form and you will receive a link to download the file.

 

Hi dear one,

Over the past three weeks I started a seven week journey with a dear friend and powerful transformational healer. I call her The Stone Doctor — Crystal who does with Crystal Resonance. In three weeks with the help of her, the earth, and this full moon, I am a new woman. I am delighted with the sense of unification and ease I am experiencing while making huge and vulnerable power moves!

Over past few weeks I have formulated my next group program (which will start in October 2014), committed to doing a live virtual event in September 2014, and written and eBook. WHAT!

The eBook. I have it for you today. What! Bam! Magic in the air. Wrote it and now it’s all designed and beautifully laid out for easy use as a reference.

It’s transparently called, ALL IS WELL: 7 Master Teaching Secrets for Mentors, Coaches, Healers, & Facilitators. A great resource for teaching artists, practitioners, and just about any type of transformational professional or educator who wants to take a look at some of the guiding principles for embodied teaching and healing.

The eBook is full of real life stories and examples — you know how I do — and take away tips for applying these suggestions to your work. My hope is that this resource nourishes, enlightens, and reminds people of ways to bring optimal healing into the opportunities we have as teachers and guides.

I also hope that this eBook will be authentically useful and organically introduce me to new people — please share with someone who you think will find it useful. I hope that this eBook will go out into the world as a Master Teacher, teacher of healers, healer for teachers, teacher of teachers, and a healer for healers.

If you are stepping out into the world with your new self right now, high five! and a hug, and a deep breath . . . it feels good right? If you are aching to come out, let that ache guide you into the cry that is begging to become a song. Breathe deep and see if you can find one next step to move you into that freedom.

Love and profound gratitude is what I am experiencing this very moment.

The creation of this eBook is what happened as a result of allowing myself to get the support I was longing for . . . movement, expression, ease, joy, risk, courage, and vulnerable sharing. Here we go!

If you want to read the eBook, enter your information in this form and you will receive a link to download the file.

I am jamming out to trip hop on SoundCloud right now and feeling the summer peak of possibility! I am sitting in front of my computer at midnight and I have jury selection in the morning, and yet, I feel like I am dancing my heart out under an endless starry sky.

Thank you for believing in me and loving me. You. Divine. Me. Thank you for making love grow. We are going to need that to keep growing to turn the tide of this planet… so every bit is very important to me. Thanks.

Love,
Sophia

Alchemy in LA

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Hello sweet thing!

I am glad you exist in this moment. Way to be here. Thanks for being with me here. I want to share about some incredible shit that has gone down in the past month that has been in addition to my incredible wedding — and when I get the photos I will be sharing some highlights from that. I’m digesting and feeling grateful for the incredible community, wife, and life that was all that jazz.

Now, I want to share with you a really amazing experience I had in LA. This past year has been so full with successes and learning, and f-ups and more learning. I know that there is more of that ahead of me as I ask and answer this question: how do I turn my passion, dedication to healing, and love for the planet into a more sustainable path?

In May 2014 I went to LA for a branding photoshoot. It was incredibly fun. If you have seen some of the photos on Facebook, this is the story of how they came about. I want to share the underbelly of what happened for me that day.

The magic of that day was in the alchemy of collaboration between all of the wonderful women and artists present — but this post would actually be the length of a novel if I shared all of that with you so we’ll do with snippets of my part for now. It’s a long epic tale, but I will bring you into the story here.

I arrive at a beautiful studio in West Hollywood. One of my mentors, Christina Morassi, is there and she spends time getting us, four other women and me, into the zone. Supporting our vulnerable, authentic, and deep presence, teaching us tricks of the trade for the set, and then sending us off get ready. I was paired up with a total soulmate (who you’ll meet in the video at the bottom of this post) and we get in the hair and make-up chairs. I put chanting in my ears, and as I get my hair and make-up done, I chant wahe guru, and guru guru wahe guru ram das guru to soothe my nerves, bring me home into my self, and cultivate and brew the light through and within me. You know. It’s fun and we’re laughing, sharing belly hugs, and having a grand ole time.

Before I go on with the story I have a joyful confession to make. In one of the closets in the West Philly Red Tent Temple, I have a collection of beautiful things. From a self discovery I made on a pilgrimage across the country, I found that I LOVE BEAUTIFUL DRESSES. And my dream fantasy is to do sacred singing in a full length gown. Okay — go on.

The moment comes, the chair turns, I am in full dress, hair, make-up — everyone looks at me, gasps, and gives encouraging words — “Wow, you look beautiful, gorgeous.” My heart starts to race, my body tightens, I scan the room, and then I say, “I need help.” A memory rushes into my mind. I’m a sophomore in high school, dressed for the sock-hop. I get in the car and a family member turns to me, gasps, and with a great sense of compliment says to me, “you’re so beautiful it makes me sick.”

I tell this story on set, my eyes filling with tears. I don’t want to look too beautiful. I don’t want people to feel sick. Tears fall. I start to pace and it’s clear that I need some time before I go on set. Starla Fortunato, the brilliant photographer, says two things, ‘one, you don’t have to hide your shining here. And two, everyone gets to have their feeling here. Take your time, on to the next person.’

I breathe deep and think — I came prepared for this. I go to my bag, pull out my sweetgrass. I go out to the street where I get annoyingly honked at as I light the sweetgrass and pray to my ancestors for peace and guidance. I go back upstairs and ask for a place in the studio that won’t be in the way. I am shown to the space behind the back drop where I set up my altar.

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When the time comes, I take my shiny, dedicated self on set. I give it all I have and I have SO MUCH FUN.

Eckhart Tolle, who wrote The Power of Now, says that once you realize there is no past or future, it’s possible to understand that your life is always well and that anything that doesn’t feel well is just the situation that you are attending to. With this understanding it becomes obviously clear that it is best to do what brings you joy. I felt that way exactly on set, even saying that in my next career I am going to be a model — it was just so fun. I danced around and was joyful. That is half of what I want to do in this career anyhow : ). I gave it my all — which risks a fall along the way — and is totally worth it.

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The first round of photos was complete so then I had a total ego party in my mind thinking, “I’ve done stuff like this before. It’s great and fun, but I am not sure that something new has been captured here . . . ” And then I prepared for round two, which was a knock out.

I put on my next outfit, the one I knew I would wear, the one that I felt that special feeling in, similar to finding my wedding dress. The stylist looked at me and said, “Okay Grammys.” I told her how my dream was to sing Kirtan in a floor length gown, that my internal worlds love costumes and praying almost equally. She was very supportive.

This time I had no panic, no freak out. The team kept saying, “Sophia’s ready,” and Starla would say, “no, not yet, she needs more time.” She leaned in and said to me, “why don’t you go spend some more time with your altar.” I do my best to listen to really good advice — even when it’s from my mom or my wife — so I listened here too.

This is where the story gets hard to write about. It gets subtle, and profound, bodily, and channeled. I stand over my altar and I prayed again to be used in this life to the optimal positive healing impact possible. A frequent prayer. Then I heard/knew/felt all at once this message:

“You have taken every other gift you have and learned to wield it, own it, become a dedicated craftsman to the flow of the cosmos. Your appearance is part of what was given to you. You didn’t choose it, so accept it and inhabit it, inherit it, tend it and use it like you did with everything else. If you can turn mental health diagnoses into gifts, you can do that transformation here too.”

I looked at the reflective background. I saw myself. I felt ripples through my body. My epic fantasy nerd got so excited because I looked like I stepped out of some scene. I knew I would take my altar on set, I would leave my hooded coat on, and I would play with this hilariously epic scene. I would take my internal world — how I focus, strengthen, quiet — out in front of the ten people I had met that day. I would put it in front of the camera and then I would surrender and play.

I practiced. I prayed. I connected. If you look closely at my hands you can see that they are in mudra (or in full extension, engagement), because I was drawing myself — my whole being, being beyond my being — from top to bottom into and through my body. Those who have had sessions with me or been taught by me in recent years may recognize this place. This is a deep ritual space I hold.

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The ripples would rise and I would start laughing and then screaming and then it would pass and start all over again.

Starla asked me to use one of the items from my altar. I asked for permission to cleanse her space. I said, “I won’t be able to pretend to do it so I need your permission.” She said, “Clear it out and send it out the window behind me.” I did my best.

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I was in ecstasy.

It was beautiful. And intense. And deep.

This experience showed me, yet again, that healing comes, wherever, whenever. It’s not the action alone that determines the healing-ness of something. The intentional construction of the day (thanks Christina!), the shamanic aspects built in to the process, and my own added practices invited a powerful possibility. And truly it is who I am and how I walk the path that determines my experience and the amount of healing that I find as I bump into, choose to walk into, or find myself in experiences along the way.

I learned so much in this day, more than I can put into words. As my prayer and dedication merged with costumes and play, the joy, the sheer joy of it, is something that has changed me.

I made this video with my friend and new found soulmate Yummy after my final shoot to share that the experience of processing can be so very diverse. My intention in this video is to encourage permission to feel and process however you darn well do. No apologies.

Blessings to you and your awakening, your joy, your bliss, your healing, your sharing your precious and powerful light and your very specific set of gifts. Blessings to you on your beauty.

Love,
Sophia

Finally #50 on final day of the year! #50 – Brilliant effective strategic plan for progress! My body taught me!

Fair thee well 2013!
To everyone’s sweetest and truest hearts dreams coming true!
To pure transformative love!
To a healed earth and awaken people and peaceful cultures!
To joy!
To LIFE!

Let’s all feel free, right? I’m in. You in? I mean, right? Yeah.

#50 – Brilliant effective strategic plan for progress! My body taught me!

Leaning into the creative cycle!

This video is all about the creative and productive process that my body taught me. Good listening in preparation for making those New Years resolutions come true! This is process is my menstrual cycle, and I do talk a lot about that but the application is genderless! COULD APPLY TO ANYONE! It really does! If you want progress and results this video is worth a watch!

This cyclical flow over the course of a month has tangible and inspiring results for any person who applies it!

LOVE TO ALL

Happy New Year!

lighted-match

“isn’t the light of solstice supposed make things better – cause I kinda feel like crap” post

I have been returning to the same image since winter solstice, and craziness in my internal and external existence. Also known as, the thing I thought of when I was  loosing my mind and my heart felt sad and I was crying and confused, or doing something I didn’t know to navigate.

IMAGE:

I am in a cave. I am traveling into the deepest darkest place of that cave (winter), as I go my eyes adjust to the very dim to little to no light. Here, in this place, a match is lit!
SPARK! 
FLAME!
OOW – MY EYES!         – The illumination is SO harsh, and yet, so clear. What is shone cannot be ignored.

One thing light has been showing me is the subtle and yet real ways guilt has driven so many of my actions throughout my life. As well as the deep desire to be free from obligatory heaviness. I saw, illuminated before me, overall and lasting ease when my actions are given from a place of true authenticity, generosity, and light-hearted kindness. As I write this I wonder if I’m making it all seem so gentle, so let me clarify: sitting in the dark with the flame from my match showing me the lasting and exhausting results from my past habits, and inherited patterns, that seem unchangeable and life long is… well… painful. Excruciating even. I mean I am seeing the very things that are seemingly foundational, and in actuality have been at my foundation. I looked at my ceiling through my tears, and started the – “I want more than this, more than the cage I keep myself in.” So I dig into my faith and beg for guidance, forgiveness, and change. I say, “go ahead change my foundations because I am looking square in the face the results of the current foundation and I want something different.” I give myself permission to heal, and I do the silly things I am inspired to do, like place family photos on my alter and sing to them everyday. You see, this is a very specific light in the dark, and its allowing us see the things inside that still need to be healed.

So bring on the healing! Buckle up, cause if I know one thing, healing your foundations is a rocky time!

Oh and the touches everything for me, the cultural, and planetary things as well. The match struck at the depth of winter shows the foundations and our relationships to them: earth, culture, politics, money, relationships, you name it, so whatever manifestation is being illuminated, well… good luck?! :) Yea! Blessed kind luck!

“I am choosing to believe this is the best case scenario”
this one helps me when I am in the shit :)
another favorite is,
“I better be learning something huge, cause this sucks, so get me all the way through please.”

I am all LOVE and gratitude for you reading this, all the magic, and The Light in my life. Fer realz –  even if it hurts – I would rather see the mess then keep tripping over the same BS in the dark!