lighted-match

“isn’t the light of solstice supposed make things better – cause I kinda feel like crap” post

I have been returning to the same image since winter solstice, and craziness in my internal and external existence. Also known as, the thing I thought of when I was  loosing my mind and my heart felt sad and I was crying and confused, or doing something I didn’t know to navigate.

IMAGE:

I am in a cave. I am traveling into the deepest darkest place of that cave (winter), as I go my eyes adjust to the very dim to little to no light. Here, in this place, a match is lit!
SPARK! 
FLAME!
OOW – MY EYES!         – The illumination is SO harsh, and yet, so clear. What is shone cannot be ignored.

One thing light has been showing me is the subtle and yet real ways guilt has driven so many of my actions throughout my life. As well as the deep desire to be free from obligatory heaviness. I saw, illuminated before me, overall and lasting ease when my actions are given from a place of true authenticity, generosity, and light-hearted kindness. As I write this I wonder if I’m making it all seem so gentle, so let me clarify: sitting in the dark with the flame from my match showing me the lasting and exhausting results from my past habits, and inherited patterns, that seem unchangeable and life long is… well… painful. Excruciating even. I mean I am seeing the very things that are seemingly foundational, and in actuality have been at my foundation. I looked at my ceiling through my tears, and started the – “I want more than this, more than the cage I keep myself in.” So I dig into my faith and beg for guidance, forgiveness, and change. I say, “go ahead change my foundations because I am looking square in the face the results of the current foundation and I want something different.” I give myself permission to heal, and I do the silly things I am inspired to do, like place family photos on my alter and sing to them everyday. You see, this is a very specific light in the dark, and its allowing us see the things inside that still need to be healed.

So bring on the healing! Buckle up, cause if I know one thing, healing your foundations is a rocky time!

Oh and the touches everything for me, the cultural, and planetary things as well. The match struck at the depth of winter shows the foundations and our relationships to them: earth, culture, politics, money, relationships, you name it, so whatever manifestation is being illuminated, well… good luck?! :) Yea! Blessed kind luck!

“I am choosing to believe this is the best case scenario”
this one helps me when I am in the shit :)
another favorite is,
“I better be learning something huge, cause this sucks, so get me all the way through please.”

I am all LOVE and gratitude for you reading this, all the magic, and The Light in my life. Fer realz –  even if it hurts – I would rather see the mess then keep tripping over the same BS in the dark!